Depressed
.
I think that I finally hit that stage of severe depression. Just by looking at photographs send to me from Amsterdam with everybody having a good old time, I start crying and can't stop crying.
I feel like crawling under my blanket and just never ever coming out again. I even start to dislike people that I normally care for and on top of that I developed a nervous twitch in my left eye that isn't going away
I can honestly say that I have never felt this way before and it's quite frightening.
Going to a shrink won't help (lost in translation) and drinking it away isn't my thing either.
What to do. Thought about packing it all up and just leave. On the other hand only three more months to go. Will go to Hokkaido on the 26th May to see Majella & Bernard for the weekend and the boys from Amsterdam are coming over on the 3rd of July.
Paul will tell me not to exagerate and keep it up but I'm so terribly tired day after day that I feel I don't want to keep it up any more.
I think that I finally hit that stage of severe depression. Just by looking at photographs send to me from Amsterdam with everybody having a good old time, I start crying and can't stop crying.
I feel like crawling under my blanket and just never ever coming out again. I even start to dislike people that I normally care for and on top of that I developed a nervous twitch in my left eye that isn't going away
I can honestly say that I have never felt this way before and it's quite frightening.
Going to a shrink won't help (lost in translation) and drinking it away isn't my thing either.What to do. Thought about packing it all up and just leave. On the other hand only three more months to go. Will go to Hokkaido on the 26th May to see Majella & Bernard for the weekend and the boys from Amsterdam are coming over on the 3rd of July.
Paul will tell me not to exagerate and keep it up but I'm so terribly tired day after day that I feel I don't want to keep it up any more.
posted by 狩人 (Hunter in Japanese) @ 5/11/2006 09:31:00 am
3 Comments:
At 11:17 pm,
Michael said…
Hello,
I've been following your blog (though not commenting until now) because it brings back memories of the three years I spent in Japan in Chiba Prefecture.
I hope the opinions I state now aren't offensive to you.
I think that if a person is predisposed to depression, living in Japan can bring on these episodes.
I think part of it has to do with the feelings of isolation and not belonging that one encounters, or at least I encountered, on a steady basis. Of course, these feelings can also be liberating, in that our very foreignness exempts us from some of the more uncomfortable constraints of Japanese society. Still, if you're an outgoing person, being confined to a small circle of friends and having to content yourself otherwise with a bunch of superficial relationships can be quite depressing indeed.
I would say that what you're feeling is quite normal and natural. You shouldn't take yourself to task for it.
Three things helped to lessen my bouts of depression while in Japan. First, I didn't drink (though I do now). As we all know, alcohol can enhance depression. Second, I kept reminding myself what a magical time I was in the midst of, and that this chance to explore a different culture to this degree likewise wouldn't present itself again. And third, I tried to pursue my own interests (in this case, Japanese history and religions and long drives through the rural countryside in which I lived). I was an English teacher in a public junior high school, and I soon learned to recognize when my efforts were meeting with little or no success, and that's when I would step back and take a break of sorts, realizing that I wasn't single-handedly going to change people's ingrained ways of thinking. In other words, I tried to just go with the flow and do my own thing, too.
Anyway, I hope this helps.
At 10:30 am,
Anonymous said…
Hi Sugar!
Got the Nagasaki Blues? (I was just scanning your Blog!)
Hope you're rising above it all now. Don't fret; the short amount of
time you have left will be over before you know it! Try to make the
most of the time you have left and take every opportunity to enjoy
and explore and meet new characters. Amsterdam will always be here
and can I tell you something?...nothing has changed...the good, the
bad and the ugly are all the same. Yes, it's fun...but soon Japan
will be over and you'll be back here. (And we can't wait for that!)
Chin up! Go out and enjoy the now!
Miss you, Joelina
At 10:43 pm,
Anonymous said…
Hey Paul,
Hope you feel better by now! I have to say that your blog sounded really familiar.. When I was in Nagasaki last year, I had the same feeling around this time. I think it's because you've seen it all, done it all, met everyone you wanted to meet and now you're ready to go home, or something like that.. The only tip I can give you is try to survive and enjoy the weather! As soon as you're home, you will know that even these last couple of months were super!!
groetjes, sylvia
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